How many times have been in a hurry to get out the door, running at full speed so you do not miss a deadline? Perhaps it is a school day and you are rushing through your morning routine so the children do not miss the bus and you are not late to work. When you have small children, moving at sonic speed is pretty much the way of life. You will find that from a very young age, children have distinct personalities, and definite likes and dislikes.
As children near between ages three and five, they start showing their independence in the only ways they know how. Some of the first ways they will start is by not eating something you have made for dinner, not wanting to put their toys where you want them put, or refusing to wear what you have laid out the night before. This type of behavior or as some might call it, attitude, is all perfectly normal.
Just as adults decide what to cook for dinner, how to store their tools, or the suit and tie or dress they prefer wearing to work, children see this and want to start making some of their own decisions. Decisions that would cause harm or instill bad behavior in your child such as them choosing what time they go to bed or choosing to sass back, is obviously not acceptable. However, when your child starts showing signs of being independent and wanting to make some choices on their own, you can guide them into making right choices.
For example, as parents, we have all heard, “I don’t want to wear that!” There is not anything wrong with the outfit you have chosen, it is simply that they are testing their independence, which is healthy as long as it is controlled until they are ready to make decisions. In this case, simply choose two or three outfits that you approve of. Lay them out on the bed side-by-side and then tell your child, “Today, you get to choose what you will wear. Of these three outfits, which one would you like to put on?”
What you have done is guided them, meaning that no matter what they choose, you will approve. In their mind, they are not being forced to wear something they do not like. Now they get to look each outfit over and make a decision on what they want to wear. If you get a reply such as, “I don’t want to wear any of those,” you simply explain that either they choose from the three options, or you will choose one for them. You will be surprised at how quickly they make up their mind.
This action is successfully doing two things. First, it gives you a sense of control since the child is still small, but it is also building self-confidence in them. Next time you hear, “I don’t want to wear that,” try using this little trick!