Sophie (real name changed to protect her identity) is a woman I have had contact with over the last few years. She has bravely agreed to share her story for a families.com exclusive and for the purpose of raising awareness during Sexual Violence Awareness Month. Thank you Sophie. Our collective respect is with you. Please Note: Some words have been edited to make them acceptable for public viewing.
Sophie’s story: “I’m now 38. Can you believe it? I never though I’d make it this far. Between the ages of seven and 15 there is only a 12 month period where I can’t remember being abused. Five different men but all with the same story: I was beautiful, I was special and they loved me. My parents never knew. I could never tell them because I was scared that I’d get into trouble or that I wouldn’t be believed. Sometimes the abuse happened in my home, while they were there too but they never suspected because they were busy and they thought the men were their good friends.
The first time it happened I was embarrassed and I didn’t say “no” because I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to. He had bought me lots of gifts and made a big fuss of me. He was a very important man and was my Dad’s biggest boss. He abused me non-stop until I was around 13. I guess I got too big for him then and he didn’t like me anymore. Thank God! He got more and more aggressive in his abuse of me as the years went on. Sometimes I fought him but he used to hurt me more so I just gave into it. I HATE him. He was so sneaky that he’d even come to my school, find out what sport I was playing and turn up at practice and track me down at friends houses. He was a pedophile.
The second perpetrator was a person who did part-time work for my parents. I know he got to my younger sister too but we never talk about it. I saw him and her in the laundry and I shut my eyes because I was so scared. He used to get me in the kitchen when nobody else was around. I would do what ever I could to not be at home on the days I knew he was coming but sometimes Mum and Dad would get angry at me and tell me I had to be around to tell him where things were. I so wanted to tell them but I just couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth. I tried to make them aware that something was wrong by writing swear words all over the path. I thought they’d see the words and want to know how I knew them. That was when I was going to tell them how I knew what a penis was. After I’d found out from my friends how to spell really bad swear words I wrote them everywhere in chalk. But it rained and the words got washed away before my parents got to see them and go ballistic.
The third perpetrator was also a work mate of my father’s. It only ever happened once from him and it wasn’t too bad. He just felt me all over. He didn’t stick anything into me. He was very scared too. He kept looking over his shoulder and if he heard a noise he’d quickly take his hands away from me. When I think about this, I think that he was probably a man who could have been helped. He wasn’t sure with what he was doing. It was almost as though it was the first time he’d done it. If he did do it again, I hope some other kid was braver than me and told on him so that he could get help before it was too late.
The forth perpetrator was the worse. It is the most dreadful thing that ever happened to me and I don’t really want to talk about it. I was raped by four men. I didn’t know them. I was walking home and they grabbed me. When I had to continue walking home, people must have known what happened. I was a mess. My clothes were torn, I had blood all over me and my face was swollen from being hit. People looked at me in disgust. They stepped around me. No-body helped me. I knew my parents wouldn’t be home so I fixed myself up and went to bed for a few days. Mum thought I had got my first period and was feeling sick. I told her I got into a fight with my friend to explain the marks on my face. She grounded me for a month because fighting was a dreadful thing to do.
The fifth incident was my fault. (Megans clarification – Child Sexual Abuse is NEVER the fault of the child and always the responsibility of the perpetrating adult) After the rape I started drinking and doing drugs. I was trying to stop myself from thinking about everything that had happened to me and trying to build up courage to tell my parents the truth. The man that used to sell me Pot and give me alcohol helped himself to me one day. I fought like a tiger and it stopped him from raping me. But he told lots of stories about me and made me out to look like the worst kid in town.
After I had my first baby I decided to tell my parents what had happened. They BELIEVED ME. I was so happy. They helped me to talk to the police but there was nothing much that could be done. I couldn’t remember dates, time of day, rooms it happened in, and all the other million things they asked me. The police were very understanding though.
For all of the sexual abuse that happened, I think I’ve finally got it together. I am still frightened to be alone and I don’t trust men much but I lead a good life and I have met some really good counselors who have helped me sort out everything that has happened. Mum and I often talk about why I couldn’t tell them and she says that she always had some suspicions but was also too embarrassed to raise it with me. She said she figured that if something was happening that I’d tell her. Funny how we were both thinking similar things but embarrassment and fear stopped us from checking it out.
There’s lots of kids out there who are going through the same thing as I went through. I want to give parents the message to please don’t be embarrassed to talk to your kids about this stuff. Kids don’t know how to talk about it and kids really do think they are going to get into trouble. Sexual abuse is rude and kids don’t usually talk about rude things with their parents. It’s very, very hard to do.
Thank you. That is my short story. Now I feel all shaky and I want to cry but I am glad I’ve done it. I want to help stop child sexual abuse and SVAM (Megan’s clarification – Sexual Violence Awareness Month) is a good place for me to start.”
End of Sophie’s story.
Thank you Sophie. If you would like to leave Sophie a message, I will print them out to give to her.
Every year, all over the world, the last Friday in October is known as “Reclaim the Night”. A peaceful march demonstrates that women want violence against themselves and children to end. For more information on this, or to add some information about the march in your area, please participate in the forum discussion Reclaim the night. Have you ever marched?