If independence is the goal, we parents know that we are walking a constant tightrope of care and support and encouraging our children to take risks and try things. Sometimes, it takes our children to remind us that they really have independence as a goal too.
Many of us have experienced the strong declarations of a two year-old who is wanting to feed himself or dress herself or do some other task on his or her own. As children get older, however, they also need to try things without mom or dad standing by to hold their hand or even step in and do it for them. As the parent, we need to be paying attention to those signs and learning how to encourage them without making them feel abandoned.
Recently, one of my daughters needed to go to her new college and take a round of assessment tests. The campus is big, and while we’d been there before, I was not at all confident that she could find her way around. I quickly realized, however, that this was MY “problem” and that she did not need me at this stage in her life to step in and coddle her. When I offered to take her or go with her for the tests she said something that she has said many times before in the past two decades: “I would like to try this on my own.” Of course she does, I realized, and I backed off. As parents who are gradually letting go and encouraging independence, we can let them know that we are here if they need us, but that we respect and appreciate that they need to try things on their own too.
We can also be careful not to gloat or assume that they will never achieve independence if they do need us now and again. You notice that she used the word “try” leaving it open in case she needs help in the future? Helping and supporting and being available are not the same things as stepping in and doing it for them.
See Also: When is He Ready for a Sippy Cup?
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