Today, I had some rather interesting conversations with Dylan after we went grocery shopping. It is normally one of his favorite things to do, as he loves going out and seeing people. Today, we went to a store that we had never been to before. It was a co-operative market where I was hoping to get some specialty items that I need for some Paleo recipes that I want to try. I had high hopes for our experience at the store after seeing (and parking in) a special parking spot with a sign that read “reserved for shoppers with young children”.
The store may have been just fine for many small children, and Blake seemed fine with it. Dylan was okay while we ate lunch in the cafe at a table overlooking the river. The trouble started when we went to find the bathroom after we ate. I had Blake in a front pack and I was holding Dylan’s hand. He tried to pull away from me in every direction, even slumping on the floor as I tried to get us over to the rest room. The same thing happened when we left the rest room and went towards the entrance to get a cart. I asked him whether anything was wrong and why he was acting that way, and he did not answer me.
Finally, I got Dylan into a cart and began navigating the narrow aisles. It was all I could do to prevent him from grabbing things off of the shelves. He started trying to grab people that were walking by, too. He even started making all kinds of silly sounds. I hurried through the store, grabbing only a handful of items because they did not have some of the things that I wanted. I was anxious, exhausted, overwhelmed, and relieved when we got out of there.
As I drove out of the parking lot, I asked Dylan whether he liked that store. He told me that he did not because there were too many people and it was too crowded. I reassured him that sometimes, some places work better for some people than for others and that it seems like that store does not work well for us. He agreed and said that he prefers to go the grocery store in our town, where there are fewer people and there is more room to move around.
Some people may think that if a parent tailors their grocery shopping trips to the “whims” of their young child, they are spoiling that child and not doing them any favors as far as preparing them for the real world. I prefer to think that I am doing the right thing. Out of a deep respect for Dylan as an individual and a desire to help him recognize his needs and advocate for them (which will help him as a child and as an adult), I talk frequently with him about things like our trip to the store. These conversations build a strong connection and help me to identify things that I can do to make both of our lives easier.