This blog is NOT going to actually be about fishing–I thought I should put that out here right away. In truth, I wanted to write about all those things we have a tendency to do for our kids instead of teaching them how to do for themselves. As single parents, the sooner we teach our children how to handle things on their own (appropriately, of course), the sooner we won’t be overburdened doing everything for them!
A friend of mine, with a nearly-thirty grown son, shared with me last week that he had called her wanting her to not only take the lead in shopping for his wife’s Christmas presents, but to also take care of the wrapping too. In my calmest, least judgmental voice I asked her if she hadn’t refused (of course) but she shared a bit sheepishly that she had agreed to the task. “It’s nice to still feel needed” she added. I wanted to say “Still feel USED, you mean!” but I really do feel compassion and I do understand. As a single parent, a huge hunk of our identity is tied up in being a mom or dad and as our kids get older they need us less and less. If we refrain from handing everything over to them, they never fully “leave” us. But is this really for the best?
Needless to say, when my own son asked me a few days later if I would help him wrap his gifts (I handed over the shopping duties to each of them a couple years ago), I was ready to refuse. “Here’s the thing, “ I told him, “I don’t want you asking me to do this when you’re thirty! This year, I’ll teach you everything I know and stand by to give you pointers–but you’re going to learn how to do this yourself.” Of course, he may some day choose to pay a gift-wrapping service, but that “service” is not going to be me.
Whether it is doing laundry, cooking, sewing on a button, or whatever we might be taking care of for our children–the sooner we teach them how to do it for themselves, the better off they will be. Our goal should be to work ourselves OUT of a job–not keep them dependent.
Also: Allowing Things to Be Normal
Using and Modeling Some Sensitivity