Mommy’s Christmas Break is coming to a close. Monday it’s back to school and back to daycare. My heart sinks every time I think about it. I’m usually really excited to get back to school, but this time the thought makes me want to break down and cry. I’ve gone to school from the time Logan was born. It’s all he’s ever known. But now that I am officially into my major I have a lot less flexibility with my schedule. This means that he is going to be spending a lot more time in daycare.
The lady that does his daycare is fabulous. She loves the kids and the kids love her. But my little Logan still struggles with some major separation anxiety. Ever since the divorce he’s terrified that I’m not going to come back for him. Daddy disappeared and he’s afraid Mommy is going to do the same thing; understandable, coming from a three year old. I’m thankful that he was able to start daycare last semester, even if it was only for a few hours a week. That way he got to know the other kids better and get more used to the situation. This semester is still going to be rough. He will be in daycare five times as long as he was before. Our schedule is going to be insanely tight every day and it will be significantly more time away from each other than either of us is used to. It breaks my heart.
I was never going to be one of those moms that had to put their kids in daycare. I was sure of it. I was going to be a stay at home mom forever. My plan was shattered when I found myself divorced and needing some way to support my child on my own. I’m dreading this time away from my baby. I’ve been spoiled this past month being off of school. I’ve been able to spend my days cuddling and playing with him from sun up to sun down. I’ve loved every second of it, so being away from him is going to be that much harder. But I wouldn’t trade this time we’ve had for anything. In the end it is all for him. If nothing else it at least shows him that I am always coming back for him. He’s stuck with me for life!