As a mom, I would definitely love to be able to kiss away all the pain, eliminate all my kids’ troubles, and run interference for them with the world for the rest of my time here on earth. But, I can’t. I can stand by, I can lend support, but there are so many things that I just can’t do for them—even if both of us would much rather have it that way!
My kids are not me, and no matter how much experience and wisdom I think I’ve earned, I cannot live through their bumps and bruised and hard life lessons for them. So far, I tend to do it along WITH them, but I can’t do those tough things—pick a college, take the driving test, decide about matters of the heart, end a friendship—I cannot do those things for them. Regardless of what we all know to be “right” that doesn’t mean they don’t occasionally come to me wanting mom to fix it or “make it all better.” Maybe I could do that when they were three (if I even could then) but now that they are nearly grown, I have to take a back seat much more often.
I am even starting to learn to ease off the advice and the “here’s what I would do.” That’s a real hard one for me. We want to impart our wisdom and give our children the benefit of our own hard knocks. But, a wise older mentor pointed out to me that my hard knocks are not my children’s. As they prepare to spread their wings and fly out into the world, I have to learn how to stay caring, loving, and involved, but not smother them with my “here’s what I think you should do” comments. Of course, there is nothing more painful than standing by and watching your child go through angst and pain and turmoil—but broken hearts, identity crisis, poor judgment, etc. are all the rights of passage for the teenager. It will make them stronger and ready to take on the world—I just may not be ready to let go!
Also: Kids With Single Parents Learn Life Skills
Waiting for the Day When I Won’t Worry So Much