Some days are not my favorite. I absolutely hate punishing my daughter. The house feels like a war zone when it is just the two of us and she is not speaking to me because I’m not being fair.
Sometimes I have no choice but to punish her, take away privileges, ground her from something fun. That is when I become the meanest mother in the world. I am constantly second guessing myself. Was I too hard on her? Did I overreact? Is this just a normal stage and not something I need to head off at the pass? It would be so much easier if I had someone to talk to.
If we were an intact family I would have her father to talk to, to help me decide if the punishment fits the crime or if I’m having a bad day and taking it out on Hailey. Of course I carry my divorce guilt which doesn’t help when I need to be firm with my daughter.
It has been my goal to raise a strong, independent young lady with thoughts and opinions of her own. I have always tried to talk to Hailey, to reason with her, try to help her understand the natural consequences of her actions without having to resort to actual discipline.
So I talk, and talk, and talk, too much, according to my daughter. I want her to understand the natural progression of things, if you do A then logically B will follow which will result in C. I know she is still a child and will do impulsive things and make bad choices, but it is my job to help her learn from those mistakes.
I also want Hailey to be able to say that she doesn’t agree with me, and tell me why. I’ve dated a few guys who considered that disrespectful because they thought she was “back talking”, that a parents word should be law and children should never question it.
I’m human, I make mistakes, and yes, sometimes my child is the one who points those mistakes out to me. I try to be open to that, to show her that when you make a mistake you should apologize and correct it.
I worry about how being single has affected my parenting. Would I be stricter about some things, more lenient about others? Am I trying too hard? Should children be seen and not heard? Am I a bad parent?
Of course, there are those days when no amount of reasoning or arguing from my daughter will work, when the only reason I have for my rule enforcement is “I’m the Mom, that’s why.”