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Imaginary Birthmother’s Letter, Part Four

This is the continuation of a letter I imagined a birthmother might write. The last three blogs contain the first three parts. Again, this is my imagination and is not based on any birthmother that I know.

The letter continues:

You had to stay in the hospital for a while because you were small. For a few days I saw you every day, and then I went back to my friend’s house. I came back to visit you the next three days, then I went to stay with a friend who lived farther away and didn’t see you for the next few days. I was still thinking and trying to decide what to do.

I hadn’t seen my mom, your birth grandmother, for a while, but I called her to talk about what I should do. She was worried too. She liked the idea of a little baby girl, but we didn’t want you to live with my stepfather because he was so mean. I didn’t want to live there again either. Finally, we agreed that it might be best to let the people at the adoption agency find you a new home.

Still, I wasn’t sure. I had made it through high school earning my own way; maybe I could take care of both of us.

I went to visit you at the hospital again. They told me that you were healthy, but one of your hips wasn’t growing right and you might need an operation later so you would be able to walk normally.

I looked at you again. I loved you, and it was still hard to believe I wasn’t going to keep you, but when the doctors told me you might need to have an operation later, my time of trying to decide was really over. In Korea there is no way for people without money or a full-time job to get medical care without paying for it. I knew that the agency would take good care of you until they found you parents who could take care of you.

I also knew that in the United States, you would be able to have good doctors and good schools. Mrs. Park told me you would have a good family. These are all things that I wish for you.

I told Mrs. Park I needed one more day to think about it, even though I knew what I would have to do.

To be continued….

Please see these related blogs:

Imaginary Birthmother’s Letter Part One

Imaginary Birthmother’s Letter, Part Two

Imaginary Birthmother’s Letter, Part Three

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About Pam Connell

Pam Connell is a mother of three by both birth and adoption. She has worked in education, child care, social services, ministry and journalism. She resides near Seattle with her husband Charles and their three children. Pam is currently primarily a Stay-at-Home-Mom to Patrick, age 8, who was born to her; Meg, age 6, and Regina, age 3, who are biological half-sisters adopted from Korea. She also teaches preschoolers twice a week and does some writing. Her activities include volunteer work at school, church, Cub Scouts and a local Birth to Three Early Intervention Program. Her hobbies include reading, writing, travel, camping, walking in the woods, swimming and scrapbooking. Pam is a graduate of Seattle University and Gonzaga University. Her fields of study included journalism, religious education/pastoral ministry, political science and management. She served as a writer and editor of the college weekly newspaper and has been Program Coordinator of a Family Resource Center and Family Literacy Program, Volunteer Coordinator at a church, Religion Teacher, Preschool Teacher, Youth Ministry Coordinator, Camp Counselor and Nanny. Pam is an avid reader and continuing student in the areas of education, child development, adoption and public policy. She is eager to share her experiences as a mother by birth and by international adoption, as a mother of three kids of different learning styles and personalities, as a mother of kids of different races, and most of all as a mom of three wonderful kids!