Most of the time, I think of myself as a fairly level-headed and reasonably evolved person and I can usually figure out what is going on for ME when it comes to family life and interactions with my kids. I don’t’ always do such a great job of seeing things from their point of view. When we are at an impasse or a standstill or my kids are behaving in ways that don’t really make a lot of sense to me, I find it helps if I can get myself to imagine what things might look like from my child’s perspective…
I confess that I do not always remember what it felt like to be fifteen, or seventeen or eighteen—and I have learned that each of my three kids is his or her distinct, individualized personality—but they are people with hopes, dreams, desires, and experiences to draw from and their perspective is just as valid as mine. While I might not completely understand what is motivating them to behave the way they do or make the choices they make—imagining what things look like from their perspective can help.
On a real simplistic level, here is an example—my younger son is quite afraid of dogs—not in a hysterical way, but he is wary and careful. It all stems back to a time at church when he was about 8 or 9 and a small dog jumped up and bit him as he walked by. It was one of those little mutts with owners who swore “He’d never hurt anyone, he’s so loving!” My son wasn’t even trying to pet the dog; he was just walking by on his way out to the playground. His personal experience has caused him to be justifiably wary and a bit afraid of dogs. This is an example of how an individual child’s personal experiences can shape their perspective. As a parent, we need to be able to step outside our own experiences, and try to imagine how things might look through the eyes, ears and hearts of our children.
Also: Behavior Patterns