As parents, we are perpetually evolving and trying to come up with new and better ways to do things. Our children change, our family dynamic change, and life in our household changes so we have to change along with it. Implementing new rules is inevitable, but not always easy. Our children may balk, we may have a hard time staying consistent, and it may take some time to get the new rules to “stick.” There are things you can do, however, to make the implementation of new rules go smoother:
There needs to be some logic and obvious needs to the new rule(s). I have found that my children are much more likely to take to a rule change when they also see that there is a need for it. For example, if your child has left the elementary school years behind and is entering middle school, there will be changes to his social life and maturity level. There will be a need for new rules to accommodate that. Changes in curfew, responsibility, bed time, etc. can all be tied back to the need that is created by the child’s development.
Anticipate the resistance that may come from your kids and know how you will counter that resistance in advance. When you introduce the new rule or rules, it is best to do it in a calm setting—a family meeting or discussion. This allows the child to express his concerns and you can calmly counter those concerns. You do not need to justify making the new rule, but you can allow for some discussion. Making a new rule in anger or haste generally makes it less likely to “take” and can create much more hostility and resistance than if you have a calm, reasonable conversation and allow everyone to digest the change.
Finally, expect a transition period with a new rule. It may take a couple reminders: “Please remember that we no longer leave our backpacks by the front door, there is now a place for them in the hall.” Develop a plan for how to phase in a new rule until it becomes an accepted part of the family system.
See Also: Parenting 101 for the Obstinate Child