We don’t have family meetings very often any more. With the youngest member of our family being currently fourteen, it seems we have fewer and fewer group meetings since communication and interactions tend to be more on a one-to-one basis. But, when I look back over nearly two decades of family life and myriad changes, transitions and upheavals, I have to admit that the family meeting was a mainstay in helping us all to work things through.
I started family meetings when the kids were quite small—preschool age, I’m certain. We only had a few rules—no name-calling, everyone gets to speak and you have to get your snacks and beverages first. There were times when we had trouble talking and had to write our concerns and issues down on paper, and there were other times when the meeting format was not the most productive way to address or solve a particular problem. But overall, family meetings have been a way to connect, problem solve and learn to communicate with a variety of different types of people (you’d be amazed how much variety comes in four individuals.)
Every family has their own “rules” surrounding family meetings—parameters such as who gets to call the meetings, how turn-taking a speaking is handled (some families use an object that is passed to the speaker in turn), whether or not there is a time limit, whether issues are resolved by consensus, voting, or parental decision, etc. The important thing is to have them—develop a format that fosters communication and respect for both the individual and the family as a group or unit. Family meetings can help work through transitions, changes, plan vacations, deal with behavior issues and disagreements, talk over concerns, establish rules, chores and consequences, cope with loss, and just about anything else that might come up in the daily living of family life.