Many marriages, but not all, experience infidelity at one time or another, either through the wife’s actions, the husband’s, or even possibly both. It can be overcome, but not accidentally, not by chance, not by wishing for it.
The partner who cheated must feel true regret for what happened and make a sincere, solid decision that it will never happen again. They must break all ties with the person they cheated with, and never interact with them in any way again—otherwise, not only will the temptation be too great, but they will be reminded of the affair every time they see that person, which isn’t healthy.
The spouse who did not cheat must make a decision to forgive their spouse and to become vulnerable to them again. When a person withholds themselves emotionally from their spouse, they aren’t really married—they are two people living in the same house, but without emotional closeness, they aren’t unified, and unity is the reason for marriage, and what makes it work.
The cheating spouse should understand that it may take the rest of their life to win back the trust they threw away. The non-cheating spouse should understand that if they spend the rest of their life suspicious of every little thing, they will never have peace.
The cheating spouse should understand that they should check in at home from time to time when they’re away, and keep communications open. The non-cheating spouse should understand that they need to let go a little bit, and trust that every absence does not mean a new affair.
Infidelity is so hard to overcome because it is a betrayal of trust. The husband and wife trust each other completely, and when one of them shares personal, intimate relationships with someone else, it’s difficult to ever establish that kind of bond between the husband and wife again. Additionally, once someone has cheated, it becomes easier and easier to do it again.
Is it hard to move past infidelity? Absolutely. Can it be done? Absolutely. But it will take effort every single day, open communication, forgiveness, time spent working out the reasons why the affair took place, and possibly even quitting a job and beginning another, if the affair was with a co-worker. The cheater needs to make whatever changes are necessary to keep the marriage together, and the other spouse needs to undergo some real soul-searching to find the strength to forgive.
A marriage, once infidelity has entered the picture, will never be the same as it was, but you can create a new future with new possibilities, if both spouses are completely committed to making it happen. If the cheater still wants to cheat, or if the other spouse isn’t willing to forgive, then the odds are definitely stacked against it. It’s up to you.
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