I don’t know why I do it…but alas it has happened again. It is parental intervention in a friendship problem with my child. For some reason I really struggle with letting my children work it out. I hate to see them hurt or not getting along with someone, so I attempt to patch things up. However that almost always backfires.
When my oldest son was in middle school he had a lot of difficulties with his best friend. The problem is that his best friend’s mother is also my very good friend. Needless to say it ended up causing friction between us. Thankfully it never destroyed our friendship. And I vowed back then to not ever do this again with my other children.
Somehow I have managed for the most part to not interfere with my daughter. Sure, I have had my slips but considering she is a girl and experiences a lot more drama than my sons, I have done well.
But now we are down to my baby. I think it’s a combination of the fact that he is my youngest and once again it involves his best friend whose mother I am good friends with (this is the same mother as earlier, whose boys are the same age as my boys).
We have had our moments when they were not getting along and it caused yet again some friction. But thankfully, as before, it hasn’t ruined our friendship.
Well this past weekend another incident arose. This time I was absolutely sure it wasn’t my son’s fault. I had all the “evidence” necessary to prove it. So when I talked to my friend about what happened, I fully expected to hear that she would get after her son right away. Instead, the next
time I saw her it had completely turned against my son.
We had a few words, nothing major. But when we walked away from each other it was obvious that we both had ill feelings toward one another. I battled inside. I was ready to just leave it at that. I mean, I just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that her son had done wrong. How could she be so blind?
After a few moments I remembered that promise I had made to myself back when my oldest was in middle school…I wouldn’t interfere in their friendships. Yet here I was doing it again.
So I swallowed my pride and my need to be right and went to talk to her. I said that I didn’t care anymore what the real story was, it wasn’t worth arguing about. I would no longer get involved in my son’s business with his friends. He would just have to learn to work it out.
Another friend who was close by and overheard our conversation started to laugh. How easily she could relate. And as she said, what ends up happening is that eventually the kids forget about it but the parents continue to dwell on it. That is so true.
So once again I am vowing to not get entangled in my children’s relationship problems. I will ask my husband to help hold me accountable.
What about you? Do you interfere in your children’s friendship problems?
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