Most of us parents have witnessed as our children started out on a new developmental stage—either in a burst of new skills or gradually learning something new to add to their repertoire. What can be disconcerting for a parent, however, is when a child starts out on a new developmental stage and then stops or regresses. Most of us cannot help but wonder if something is wrong…
I have heard more parents tell tales of toilet-training, for example, that starts out fabulously and then the child loses interest, regresses or it becomes necessary to start all over. For some reason, this tends to stress parents out more than just about anything! For my part, I remember being a relatively new parent and fussing a bit over how to do toilet-training “just right” for fear that I would cause irreparable damage to my child and they would end up in therapy for two decades to overcome the trauma. As I became more relaxed about it, however—or just got so busy with three small children that I couldn’t fuss about it—things seemed to go better.
It is not uncommon for children to go in spurts and bursts when it comes to developmental stages. They may very well start out like gang busters, being intrigued by a new skill or new stage, only to lose interest or get off in another direction. For some children the challenge of having to work at something puts them off (I have one of those)—they want things to come easily and when they don’t, they would rather just not even try. For other children, they get easily bored, or want to avoid change, or just get pulled in a different direction. Try to remember that things in the world of child development are not always linear and they do not always march to our idea of time management. Relax, take a step back, and try to adjust to the child’s time table instead of forcing an external “ideal” upon them.
While those stage and phase charts can be a helpful guide—expecting our children to adhere closely can be a mistake. Unless there seems to be a serious set-back or a child develops fears or unreasonable behavior, allowing them to progress at their own pace—regardless of whether that means stops, starts, and detours, can be best for their overall mental and physical health.
Also: Making Room for New Directions
Consistency Doesn’t Always Go Both Ways