There are times in our lives as parents when it is up to us to do a little nudging—we are the ones who need to encourage our children to take that next developmental leap. Of course, there are plenty of times when they just seem to naturally gravitate towards the next growth opportunity themselves, but other times, they are perfectly happy staying where they are (in diapers, not knowing how to read, having mom or dad dress them, etc.) and not the slightest bit interested or aware that it is time to grow up a little bit. Introducing a child to a new task or raising the bar in terms of expectations can take some care and creativity on the part of the parent.
Keep an eye out for readiness before you ‘upgrade’ your expectations for your child. If your child is not showing signs of being ready to toilet train or ready to take on the responsibility of riding the city bus—forcing them to do it without any preparation can be disastrous. I have found that it is very helpful to let the child guide. For example, if he or she is getting increasingly responsible, following rules, calling when he or she is at a friends, etc. you may discern that it is time to give more freedom and responsibility (a cell phone, riding the bus, being allowed to bike to school, etc.). The child does not have to be perfectly responsible before you increase your expectations, in fact, keeping things a little challenging can be a good thing, as long as you have reasonable expectations.
Introduce the topic that something new is coming—talk about toilet training or “how things will be” when the child is able to ride the bus on his own. I find that introducing the topic can also help to determine how ready the child is. If he or she is interested, asks questions and seems to take to the idea, it is easier to move forward than if the child balks or ignores or refuses to talk about it. This could signal that there needs to be a little more ‘prep work’ before you can move forward with the new task or expectation.
See Also: The Tendency to Overprotect Our Special Needs Kids