Earlier this morning I wrote about ways to determine when a child is ready to learn a new task or have more responsibility. Making sure that a child has at least some awareness and interest in moving forward developmentally can save a parent many headaches in trying to nudge a child along the path. Once you know it is time to ‘make it happen,’ however—be it toilet training, learning to read, dressing himself, or whatever—the real challenge comes. There are steps you can take to help make the process smoother.
I have found that there are really three steps in nudging a child toward a new task or expectation: 1. introduction and preparation; 2. practice and mentoring; and 3. a grace period. Let me explain:
The first step is to introduce the child to the new task or raised expectation and prepare them for what will be expected of them. Let us say that you want your child to learn how to clean the bathroom and take this on as a new chore. The first step is going to be to share this expectation with them; talk through what the job will entail and give them an accurate idea of how long it will take, when you want them to take on the task, etc. I think it is important to be very clear about the expectation here and make sure that you are ready to move forward before you introduce the task or topic.
Secondly, spend some time teaching the child the new task and mentoring them. Work along with them to learn how to clean the bathroom, answer questions, and have them ‘job shadow’ you. If you are teaching a child to go to the toilet or ride the city bus—have them go along with you and ‘practice’ with you in the room (or on the bus with them). This is the time when you can adjust your expectations and develop as much patience as needed. Some children need only be shown something once, while others will need several ‘ride-alongs’ before they feel ready to go solo.
Finally, instead of expecting perfection right away, offer a trial period or a grace period when the child is still technically practicing and where you will be understanding of questions, mistakes and mishaps. Expecting that a child will get things perfect right out of the gate can be unfair and it can create anxiety and a fear in the child who may become hesitant and afraid to take risks and try new things. Watch out for perfectionism and try to foster realistic expectations instead of unreasonable ones.