If you read enough single parent blogs and articles you will see one subject popping up over and over- dating. That’s because we all just keep trying. Simply because our marriage didn’t work out doesn’t mean we are resigned to a life alone. Everyone needs companionship and love, none of us are immune, and so we keep trying.
What this means to your children depends more on the individual child than their age or any other factor. Some children accept the fact that you are dating and don’t seem to give it a second thought. Other’s act like this person is the devil and it is their job to get rid of him.
It’s very important not to introduce a man to your children until you’ve been dating exclusively for a while and you believe the relationship will go somewhere. I know some people say you should introduce early to see if your child and your potential partner get along but I think that causes more problems than it solves. For one thing, all relationships are developed over time and this is true of the relationship your child will have with her future step parent, nothing happens overnight.
You should always talk to your children about the people you are dating, even before they have met. Tell them funny stories, places you went, things you did, funny things he said. Let your child get to know this person through your stories so he doesn’t seem like such a stranger when they finally meet.
I think the first meeting should be a kid friendly outing. Go to the zoo, play miniature golf, go bowling, do something you can all enjoy. This takes a little bit of the pressure off everyone, if they are having fun they are less likely to be uncomfortable.
Also talk to your child about accepting other people, reminding them of their manners and about the importance of being polite. Even with all your planning ahead, be prepared for the worst. Your child may act out, be rude or disrespectful. Even though this is not how they usually act, they may act this way when they are threatened with a new person in their lives.
The divorce was hard enough, kids don’t really understand the dynamics behind it and may be a little afraid that this new person will somehow change your love for them. Be patient but do not tolerate rudeness. Give them time, they will come around, when they are ready.