What do you stand for? What are your belief systems, values, and personal motivations? As a mom, I have found that my kids are great critics of whether or not I am being true to my convictions and whether or not my actions and my declared beliefs match. I think single parents can be especially susceptible to hypocrisy as we might be trying so hard to look like “other families” or appear as we think a socially sanctioned “normal” family appears, that we are not really being honest and true to our own inner guidance.
My kids are great gauges for me of whether I am being authentic or not. Over the years, I have learned to have more confidence in myself and more faith that I am on my own purposeful path as well–but I do know that hypocrisy does NOT send a great message to my children. If what I say I believe in doesn’t match with the way I am living my life (and vice versa) my kids know it. We do not need to be pillars of perfection as single parents, in fact, I think letting some of our flaws and humanity show and allowing our children to see us working on making personal improvements can be a good thing–but we do need to make sure our talk and our action meet.
Additionally, there is a big difference between being self-righteous, rigid, and judgmental and trying to live a value-driven life. We don’t have to be flawless in order to set an example for our children, but we also don’t have to give up trying to be an authority figure because we have made mistakes or had troubles and struggles. Just by focusing on watching for hypocrisy and making sure that we say and do matches with our beliefs and expectations, I do think we can go a long way in providing guidance for our kids.
Also: Aren’t We All Hypocrites?