I would be willing to bet that one of the most common concerns for parents when it comes to parenting their children, is whether issues that pop up are a problem–trying to decipher what is normal, what has become a habit, what’s a phase, and what is a problem that needs special care and attention seems to be a common, constant parenting effort.
Books, peers, support groups and experts help–but eventually it comes down to a parent making a solitary decision about what is an issue and what isn’t. One of the toughest parts of this process is figuring out where our own personal issues and biases influence how we are evaluating our children’s behaviors. We are, after all, just people with our own experiences, values, and opinions. Add to that all the best advice of a plethora of other “just people” and common sense can suffer.
As a seasoned parent who’s made more than her fair share of mistakes, I’ve come to believe that there are very few life and death situations in parenting. I used to think I could permanently mess my kids up big time if I made a wrong turn or a wrong call. In fact, more things than I would have ever anticipated had a way of working themselves out. Some things, needed special attention and expert help, but a lot of issues with my kids were, like the veterans suggested, habits and phases. Like most families, we bumble through and I’ve learned over time to put a great deal of stock in common sense and instinct. Well, that and a library full of parenting books!
When in doubt, ask for help–but by keeping things in perspective, you may find a habit has disappeared, a phase has passed and new behaviors have popped up–just enough to keep parents on their toes (or is it off-balance?)