Earlier today, I wrote a blog about how many of us might be concerned that our children are violent and mean because of their behaviors. After I posted this article, I read a few more about bullying that we have here on the Families.com site and I was surprised at what I found—there were a few where parents actually recommended encouraging their child to hit other kids, retaliate and strike back physically when bullied. I thought this could be an interesting conversation. In this day and age, is it really okay and reasonable for parents to encourage their children to solve problems with violence?
I know that my kids have grown up in an era where violence was taken seriously and not tolerated at school. This doesn’t mean that it didn’t occur, but the response by teachers and administrators was quite different than when I was a kid and it was considered “typical.” It did not matter whether a child was the first to hit or the second, the violence was not tolerated. My own personal philosophy has been that violence is never an adequate solution—there is always a better way to handle things.
I know there are those who disagree with me, but I cannot help but think of the lasting “message” when a parent encourages a child to solve problems with hitting—where does it stop? Is it okay for parents to hit their kids in order to get them to behave? Is it okay for a parent to hit a teacher who he or she doesn’t agree with? If someone crashes into us with their car or at the grocery store can we hit them back? Once we say it is okay to hit, what is next? Does that make it okay to shoot someone who is bullying us? I think the fact that our society is so focused on violence is a reality that we parents do have to cope with, but I also think we have to ask ourselves what role we are playing in promoting violence as a reasonable way to solve problems.