Of course, honesty is one of the most important ingredients in a good marriage. That does not necessarily mean that brutal honesty will be equally appreciated. While frank, open communication is imperative to a happy, lasting marriage, this fact does not mean that we can throw tact out the window.
Many spouses use the honesty factor to get away with saying all kinds of hurtful things to each other. “I was just being honest,” becomes their excuse. This is not productive, and it will create hurt feelings. This frequently occurs when we are hurt or angry, but remember that hurtful words are difficult, if not impossible, to take back.
If there is a sensitive issue that you need to discuss with your husband or wife, take care with the words you choose and the way you express your feelings on the matter. If on the other hand, the issue is not one of great importance in the grand scheme of marriage, or if nothing can be done about the issue, it may be better to keep it to yourself.
For example, say your spouse has an ugly toe. You know that the toe was injured years ago. You should not tell your spouse how ugly the toe is. He or she already knows and is probably self-conscious about it. The only thing you will succeed in doing by mentioning it, is hurting your spouse’s feelings. The toe will still be ugly, but you will also be looking quite ugly if you use something like this to strike out at your spouse, or even if you drop hints about it.
You and your spouse love each other, and there are plenty of other things in life that will test your marriage from time to time. It makes no sense to borrow trouble, by bringing up unimportant issues or using things that someone can’t help, against him or her.
There is a difference between honesty and brutal honesty, and married couples do well to keep these differences in mind.