Often spouses ask other people, such as their best buddies what constitutes cheating. They may google the phrase, “What is cheating,” or look to experts to answer the question. They may even wonder to themselves if a thought or an action is considered cheating. Wait, check the Bible or the latest self help book.
For example, if I kiss someone other than my husband on the lips is it cheating? What if the kiss is on the cheek, or if the lip kiss is to a best friend or aging relative? Is it cheating if I share secrets with someone of the opposite sex, have phone sex or virtual sex, or watch porn? Is it cheating if I have sex with someone else but out of lust and not love? Is being more emotionally attached to someone who is not my spouse cheating? What about if I fantasize about a famous celebrity or the neighbor? What if I flirt or give a little bit of attention to someone other than my spouse? It depends, you might say.
Anyone can make an argument for or against each of these situations as cheating. (Anyone can make an argument for or against anything.)
I have to confess that I personally have a pretty conservative view of the sanctity of sex in marriage, although I realize that not everyone shares that view. In open marriages, couples may not feel that extramarital sex is cheating, unless one spouse tries to hide it from the other. Not my cup of tea, but…
What it really comes down to, I think, is that cheating is anything that breaks that sacred agreement that spouses have with one another. This is why it is so important to completely understand where your marriage falls in this area. What is expected of each of you and how will your actions affect your marriage and each other. Married folks need to stop looking for definitions of cheating elsewhere and focus on each other.