Sometimes the way we react to a situation depends on our own outlook on life and especially our outlook about marriage. Let’s face it; some people have some very negative views about marriage. like this one from Katharine Hepburn ‘If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.’
On that note, Mick and I were in the supermarket buying tins of tuna that were on special. It was one of those deals where if you buy so many tins the price is reduced. When we got to the checkout, we were one tin short.
‘We must have miscounted,’ Mick said and went off to get another one while I stayed to check the rest of the groceries through.
The checkout woman automatically assumed he was blaming me for miscounting. I had been the one dithering for a while in front of the cans and then changing my mind, so I figured it was probably me miscounted and admitted that was probably the case.
‘Why do men always do that? Don’t let him make out you are the one in the wrong,’ she said.
When he returned she said, ‘We decided you were the one in the wrong.’ Now, okay, she was joking and she is a very nice woman and we can always have a chat and laugh at the checkout. Even so, I didn’t want Mick to think I’d been talking about him behind his back and was blaming him when I wasn’t. Later I made a point of letting him know I had not said any such thing.
He hadn’t even noticed the comment. But I did. And wanted to set the matter straight.
It’s just a simple thing but how often have you seen married couples at the supermarket, or at a party or at some other gathering, blaming each other for little things that have been misplaced or other little dally things that have happened. Is it really worth it?
To my mind it’s better to choose your battles carefully. Some things are too trivial and not worth worrying about. So next time before you’re tempted to react and play the blame game, stop and think? Is it really worth it? In the scheme of things, does it really matter who is right or wrong?
How about this quote from Gay Hendricks: ‘One of the first things a relationship therapist learns is that couples argue to burn up energy that could be used for something else. In fact, arguments often serve the purpose of using up energy, so that the couple do not have to take the courageous, creative leap into an unknown they fear. Arguing serves the function of being a zone of familiarity into which you can retreat when you are afraid of making a creative breakthrough.’ Food for thought, wouldn’t you agree?
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