In a couple of my last articles I began describing some of the attachments that are formed as infants. I also discussed how these attachments carry over into our adult relationships.
While I was reading through the various signs and characteristics of each type of attachment, I began thinking that perhaps not all of these characteristics are caused from the infant formed attachment. Perhaps some of them come from the choice in mates.
For example, I can see how a person who formed a secure attachment as an infant may form an anxious attachment as a romantic partner if a particular choice in mates is made. If a person is in a relationship with someone who is not affectionate or who does not treat him or her with love, then the person may become anxious in the relationship and doubt the bond.
Persons who were once secure may turn to be anxious about attachments if they were in a bad relationship before where the mate cheated on them or hurt them. In addition a secure person may become dismissing if he or she were in a relationship where the mate abandoned him or her for another person. The dismissing behavior may come from being scared to grow closer to another mate rather than from the attachment formed as an infant.
Some people may have had a very dismissing childhood but are secure in their romantic relationship because they have found a mate that cares for them and shows them the love that they have been missing.
I do still believe that the attachments formed as infants carry over into adulthood. However I do not think that it would be wise to say that every person who is dismissing in his or her romantic relationship was neglected as an infant. Nor can it be concluded that every person who is secure in his or her relationship had a wonderful experience as an infant.