Do you love your spouse unconditionally? Or is love tied to how they look? One of the posts in the forum recently talked of exactly this- where the man was ‘out of love with his wife’ because of the way she looked. There was another post earlier in the year on a similar topic, where the man claimed to love his wife but did not find her attractive. Although it was from a man, women have encountered the same problem too.
Sometimes it can be tied to what they do. Love is conditional upon unrealistic expectations or certain behavior. This is something I was talking about with recently with a young woman. She was talking about a friend and how her parents’ love was conditional on this girl behaving as they wanted and doing what they wanted rather than being her own person. We often hear of young people who feel they have to be the perfect child to win their parents’ love and approval. Sooner or later it all comes unstuck and they rebel. It’s not that much different in a marriage if one partner feels they have to always do and say and be certain things to hold the other person’s love.
Unconditional love is that what you give to your spouse? Too often love seems tied to how a person looks. Yes, in the beginning appearances can often be the thing that draws us to person. I know I was attracted by Mick’s brown eyes. So it may have been part of the initial attraction but love needs to be built on more than just appearance. Because appearance is something that changes over the years.
People put on weight or lose their hair and get wrinkles.
I know when Mick looks at me he sees (thankfully) not just the physical appearance, the extra weight and wrinkles, but the whole package of who I am. It is the same when I look at him. I see the man I love and have loved for over 40 years. Our love for each other is unconditional. It doesn’t depend on what we look like or what we do or don’t do.
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