One of the biggest challenges for a single parent is trying to “make up” for the fact that we have only one parent in the home. We work hard to make sure that our children have the best possible lives and to counter society’s ideas and the affects that a crisis or trauma might have brought on our families. Many of us also work hard to share custody or keep the other parent involved in our child’s lives despite our own personal “issues.” BUT, this is not always enough. Sometimes, our children just don’t get enough fathering or mothering and we wonder what and if there is anything we can do to “fix it.”
Personally, this has been one of those big painful issues that I have wrestled with. After all, I think my kids are absolutely fabulous and they deserve THE BEST in the world. Over the years, as I have been the solo parent sitting at band concerts, graduations and school meetings, I have had moments where I wished intensely that I could give my kids more. I think it is pretty common for a single parent to feel responsible (or be held responsible) for not making sure that their kids have it all. But, I have also had to learn that there is only so much I can do and even if it isn’t “fair”–it is the way things are. Whether one is a single parent by divorce, separation, death, or choice–we have to find a way to face the fact that our family is as it is and we can do everything we can to make it great–but we cannot completely compensate for what is NOT there. Believe it or not, this is not the domain of single parents only as many two-parent homes do not have equal involvment, participation and parenting.
We can do our best to be present and involved, we can encourage and support a relationship with the other parent where it is safe and healthy, we can even make sure our kids have plenty of other adult support and mentors–but we can only be the best parent we can be–we cannot really be two parents or completely make up for what is missing or what is not there. At least that is how I have found it to be…
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