Moderation can be the key in life—even in parenting, it definitely is not good for anyone if we make our child the only thing that matters in our lives. That said, I do think that choosing to have children and embark on an existence of parenting and family life does mean that we need to put our child or children at the center of our lives—at least during the growing up years.
This does not mean that our personal fulfillment does not matter or that we should give our children every little thing they want or desire. It also does not mean that the child gets to be the decision-maker or rule the roost so to speak. What living a child or family-centered life means is that by taking on the role of parent, we are making our child a priority and placing family at the heart of our lives.
What I have learned over the past two decades about allowing my children and the family unit to be at the center of my life is that while I do make some willing sacrifices and say “no” sometimes to things in order to keep family a priority, it also helps me to feel anchored and focused on what matters. At this stage, in my forties, I never feel confused about what matters to me or what belongs in my life and what doesn’t. I have not always felt that way but as I learned how to put my children and my family at the center of my life and work in the other priorities around it, things just fell into place.
I still have a very strong sense of self and have friends and activities that belong just to me. My children do not tell me what to do, nor do I send a message that the world revolves around them. What I hope they do understand, however, is that I put their well-being and our family first and by making family a priority, I can build the rest of my life and activities and dreams around that.