You know the signs—he’s staring at the computer screen, shooting little aliens or fighting off the zombies that are attacking his virtual front yard. You’ve been trying to talk to him, but you’re getting one-syllable answers. Or she’s immersed in a romance novel and won’t come up for air, or maybe she’s raiding the refrigerator. Whatever his or her coping mechanism might be, you recognize it because you’ve been there before. You know your spouse retreats into that behavior when life is pressing on them too hard.
You want to help, but you can’t wave a magic wand and take away their stress. What can you do?
1. Recognize their behavior for what it is. Yes, you’re frustrated that you’ve been trying to talk to him for an hour and he’s just grunting in reply, but know that he’s not necessarily avoiding you—he’s avoiding his own personal reality and needs some time to separate himself from his feelings. Unless you had a huge fight and you know for sure he’s avoiding you, don’t take it personally.
2. Empathize. You know you have coping mechanisms too—and maybe not even the most healthy ones. Put yourself in her place and know how she feels.
3. Help brainstorm a solution. Maybe the two of you working together can come up with a proactive way to solve the problem that’s causing the stress. Having a plan creates a feeling of power, and sometimes that’s enough to reduce the stress.
Everyone needs downtime, and there’s nothing wrong with computer games or reading or snacking unless they are done compulsively or to excess. You know your spouse better than anyone, and you know when their stress is driving them into unhealthy behaviors. Love them, show your support, and invite them to do healthy stress-reducing things with you. Unity is an amazing tool in battling any stress or problem.
Related Blogs:
Parents Need to Make Time to Relieve Stress
Scheduling and Planning Are Good for Your Health
Channeling Anxiety Through the Body: Rita’s Story