How can we solve problems and face challenges if we don’t even know what they are? Or, if we do know in the deep recesses of our minds what the problem is, but don’t actually say it out loud and get it out on the table, how can we face it, tackle it, and get on with things? It seems that in dealing with our children, or with family issues in general, often the first and hardest step is stating the problem or issue out loud so that everyone can work on it.
Unstated problems have a lot of power. There are numerous reasons why we don’t say things out loud: we may hope that we’re wrong, or thing that if we just ignore it, it will go away, or we might be ashamed to admit that someone in our family has xyz problem. There are so many things we would rather not say out loud–our child is on drugs or there are addiction problems, getting expelled from school, an illness or learning disability, etc. But, keeping this issues swept under the rug does not make them go away. In fact, by not getting them out in the open we may be contributing to helping them last longer and get worse.
It is okay to say even unsavory, unpopular, and unpleasant things out loud. Admitting to a child’s problem behavior (or your own) or saying things that might be scary or troublesome will help to diffuse their power and allow the family to start work on making things better. While every family has skeletons in their closets, and everything that goes down in your family scene may not be appropriate for public discussion–the more you are able to state problems and say things out loud–getting things out into the open–the more likely it is that your family will be able to develop healthy coping skills for tacking problems and issues.
Also: Using Your Kids to Live Out Your Dreams
Parents–Try Something New for a Change in Perspective