When I hear the word “coping” I think of just getting by. People tend to say “I’m coping” when asked how they are handling a particularly difficult situation or a crisis. I think that life a single parent shouldn’t just be about coping, but I prefer to think of “positive coping”—finding positive, productive, and spirit-lifting ways to face the challenges and joys of life in a single parent family.
I had a friend who used to refer to “adult coping skills” as being things like drinking, going out dancing, etc. Of course, this was someone who was/is childless and free to live a more “carefree” life. If you find yourself turning constantly to buckets of ice cream, bottles of wine, or other self-destructive ways to cope with some of life’s daily stresses, then you may be “coping” but you are not coping in a positive way.
Positive coping means that we face the ordinary challenges of life, as well as some of the more difficult ones with skills that enhance our self-esteem, make us feel better about ourselves, and help us grow as humans. I know this sounds a bit daunting and sometimes it really is just about getting through the day—but think about it, if you have a really tough day and you choose to do some yoga, take a walk, or soak in a hot tub instead of throwing a temper tantrum or eating a box of chocolates—won’t you feel better about yourself? Won’t you feel like you have grown and expanded as a human being?
If you are having trouble remembering your positive coping skills when you are in the heat of a daily battle, it might help to make yourself a list and keep it in a prominent and handy place—write down those things that help you feel more settled and help you cope: maybe it is going to a movie or renting one, playing in the park with your children, going for a swim; talking with a trusted friend, etc. By listing these things out when you’re feeling calm and collected, you’ll have your positive coping choices handy when you need them.
Also: Keeping Track of Everyone Without Losing Your Mind