My oncologist suggested I join the support group and I did. I met some interesting older ladies but now I am dealing with the loss of one of the ladies I have become friends with. Lynn’s cancer had come back and this time it was stage 4 that had metastasized to her lungs. I did not really know how the oncologist thought that joining the group was going to be beneficial to help with my stress. How can meeting people who are going to die help me feel like I am not going to die?
Lynn was an incredible woman and we quickly became friends. My children fell in love with her and though of her like a grandmother and she loved them like they were her grand kids. She nominated me for the Inspirational Survivor award. I really did not feel so inspirational but she thought I was. She had a passion for life even though she knew the likelihood that she would beat cancer this time was slim. She went through chemo and still lost her battle. When we became friends I tried not to be too attached to her because I knew she was most likely not going to be in my life for too long. She had such a wonderful personality that it was impossible not to get attached to her.
When her doctor told her that her time was coming soon and he put her on in home hospice I would visit with her every day. The hardest part of it all was seeing this strong woman beg me to help her leave this world. She said she did research on how much medicine she needed to pass and wanted to know if I could help her. That was the hardest thing I ever had been asked to do. I told her I could not and she understood. She did end up passing just a few days later on her own.
Was Dr. Kevorkian right? I know if I got to that point I would want to be in a state that allowed doctor assisted passing. I would not want to suffer and have my kids watch me suffer. Luckily I am not at that point.