One of my biggest struggles being divorced is constantly hearing this phrase. It’s one we’ve all heard time and time again, but it isn’t always true. No marriage is perfect, we all have our faults that we continually have to work on both as individuals and as a couple, but we have to remember that we both have our agency. Sometimes one person will make a decision that breaks apart the marriage, while the other person is doing everything they can to make it work.
My mother was physically and emotionally abused for six years before she had the courage to file for divorce. People still to this day try to convince her that it takes two to break apart a marriage. She didn’t ask for this. She was not the one that did anything wrong. She was not the reason for the marriage breaking up. He did that on his own.
In my case I was willing to stay through anything. I did everything in my power to make my marriage work, but in the end, he made the decisions that put us there. I wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t break up the marriage.
This was a great comfort for me in the beginning. I had no regrets. I knew without a doubt that I had done everything that I could do to make it work. Looking back, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. But every time I hear this phrase, I have to admit it stings a little, because it simply isn’t true. I didn’t want to be divorced and I did everything in my power not to be, but in the end the decision wasn’t mine. At this point in my life I couldn’t be more thankful for my divorce. The night he left was the night I got a second chance at happiness and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. But the next time you start thinking that old familiar phrase, keep in mind that every situation is different. Unless you know the ins and outs of the relationship it might be better to keep that comment to yourself because you never know what really happened when you weren’t looking. It may take two to make it work, but it doesn’t always take two to make it fall apart.