There was a time when my little one would walk by a spider and look with wonder. She might even point and try to touch it. Soon, this curiosity turned to smashing the spider and standing proud as if she had won a victory to be celebrated. She learned to squash spiders from her older brother who was the knight in shining armor for his other younger sister who is deathly afraid of spiders. Actually, his older sister is also deathly afraid of spiders as well but he sometimes takes pleasure in allowing her bringers of fear to live for a time.
I was so proud of my brave little girl for not falling into the trap of being afraid of spiders like her two older sisters. While, I do remember being fearful of spiders as a child, I know knew why my parents seemed to have such little patience for this fear. Nights of begging my dad to come and kill the spider were tiring and later I found out he would simply pretend to kill the spider if he didn’t see it right away. He is a wise man. He knew had he revealed he would not find the spider I would never have gone to sleep that night. At least I would not have this worry with my little one, or would I? Soon my brave little spider hunter would turn fearful and scream “A ‘pider, a ‘pider” each time she saw one. What happened?
Fear is contagious. Through my years as a parent I learned that fear spreads. A child, who would not normally be afraid of the dark, a spider, or a thunderstorm, would soon become afraid if she had siblings or even parents who expressed their own fear vividly. I have noticed that my younger children become fearful of what an older child expresses as his or her own fear. My youngest daughter could sleep in the dark without any issues. In fact, she preferred the sleeping in the dark. Once my other daughter felt the need to sleep with a light my youngest became so accustomed to the light that she also demands it to be left on. Fear is spread much the same way. It becomes a habit. The only way I have found to decrease the spread of fear is not by allowing my children to discuss fear. They are allowed to discuss it with me or their father, however, they cannot speak on and on about it in front of younger children. Younger children are impressionable and if they see their older sibling is afraid they become afraid. I treat fears in a matter of fact way and with confidence they can latch onto rather than sympathy that may unintentionally reinforce a fear. My children still have fears as all do but I have seen a decrease in the “spread” of fear. Children will have their own fears, the last thing you need is for a child to be inflicted with fears from another.