When I was a new parent, I was terribly concerned about developmental stages and where my kids “fit“ in terms of percentiles and development charts. Over the years, however, I have learned how to relax on all of these “stages” and “phases” and I’ve realized that it isn’t a race. There is no finish line where my child needs to cross ahead of everyone else and even if it sometimes seems this way, I don’t have to choose to participate in that sort of competitive child development.
Now, I am not saying that it is easy not to give in to all those expectations and published milestones. What parent hasn’t scrutinized the list of “what your child should know before 2nd grade” and checked off what did and didn’t fit? What parent hasn’t felt a swelling of pride or relief to find out that her child is in the top 10 percentile for this or that? We can’t help it. But, in truth, it isn’t a race and we can do damage to our children by putting so much pressure on them to conform to lists of averages and “typical” milestones.
Does it really matter in the whole scheme of life if a child is a late walker, or learns to read by the time she is four, or takes an extra year to finish high school? Really? Does it really matter if the neighbor’s child starts driving at 16 but yours isn’t interested until he decides to move away to go to college? Individuality and personal character come from learning who one is and living one’s life at one’s own pace. I think that we can give our children the gift of self-esteem by refusing to participate in the “race” mentality and watch our children unfold and develop at their own individual rates.
Also: Encouraging Kids to Think for Themselves
Physical Accomplishments–When Did You Learn to Do That?