The custom of a bride covering her face with a veil exists in many cultures throughout the world. What is the significance of the veil in a Jewish wedding and what does it say about marriage?
In the Bible, we read the story of Jacob, Laban and his two daughters, Rachel and Leah. Jacob wanted to marry Rachel, but Laban ordered him to work for seven years to gain this privilege. After seven years of service, when Jacob was finally rewarded with his bride who, was escorted to him wearing a thick veil, he eventually discovered that he had not married Rochel, but her older sister, Leah. Laban gave an excuse for his deception, “It is not our custom to marry off an older daughter before the younger (Rachel was younger than Leah)” and he asked Jacob to work additional time to “earn” Rachel.
Why do we commemorate this deception in the bridal costume? What Laban did was not forthright, but it represents how we are all “fooled” when we go into marriage. We can date for a few months or several years and really believe we know our potential spouse. A man can feel absolutely certain that he is marrying Rachel, but after the wedding is over, he often realizes that he has, in fact, married Leah. He will eventually be married to “Rachel” after working at the marraige and uncovering those qualities he first saw in his wife(and the same is true of women and their husbands).
A committment alters the entire aspect of a relationship. It has been proven that the longer couples live together before marriage, the more likely it is that their marriages will end in divorce. This is counterintuitive, but it does make sense, since people who believe they “know” each other bring to a marriage all kinds of expectations which can be dashed in the face of real committment.
The proper attitude with which one enters into a Jewish marriage is that one is matched with his or her spouse by Hashem, and that it is best to put aside egos and expectations in order to understand the true identity, personality and soul of one’s life partner.