Recently, I was talking with another forty-plus single parent and we were talking about dating (of course)–we started commiserating about the fact that we would like to meet and date other “grown-ups”–for some reason, we had both drawn people into our lives that assumed that since we were mothers/parents, we would be willing to take care of everything and everyone in addition to our own children and families.
The fact is, at least for me, it was just the opposite. Since I already am a parent, I have pretty high expectations of the other adults I allow into my life; I need for them to BE adults too and not be looking for some maternal figure to take care of them. As I laughingly told my friend, I already have three kids, if I have any more, I want them to be actual kids–not immature adults who cannot take care of themselves (or who CAN take care of themselves, they just would rather not.)
We’ve all seen the skits and jokes that show the “mom” cutting up meat for a date or being “motherly” because she just can’t help it–but what about the other side of the coin? The single parent who wants a break from parenting and does NOT want to be motherly to adults or dates or friends? The last thing we need is grown-ups who want our undivided attention, expect us to mother and nurture all the time, or those who need someone to manage and care take–or at least that is where my friend and I decided we were in our own personal development. I suppose I must admit to being a bit jaded and, as I mentioned earlier, having high expectations–higher than I think I would if I wasn’t a single parent. I just want other grown ups in my life who behave like grown ups–especially if I’m going to socialize or date.
Also: Take Time to Figure Out What You Really Want and Need
Please Don’t Tell Single Parent to “Stop Being Picky!”
What NOT to Say to a Single Parent on a Date