I have yet to meet a parent who has not had to cope with his or her share of tantrums. Whether it is the very young child or the teenager with the yelling and door-slamming, those tantrums are as much a part of parenting as diapers and doctor’s appointments. Just because tantrums are normal, however, do we have to expect and accept them? Do we have to indulge the tantrum simply because it is typical?
There is a huge difference between acceptance and indulgence! I can accept that my children’s behavior is normal and typical and it can still be my job as a parent to set limits and to define the logical consequences. Yes, tantruming is typical, but as a parent we do not have to coddle, indulge or make excuses for a child’s tantrum. Our response can be geared toward sending the message that tantrums are NOT how we solve problems or express ourselves and that we will NOT indulge or give in to a tantrum.
There is also a difference between a crying baby and a tantruming two-year-old. I know this can be a hard realization for parents who are used to a sweet baby. A two-year-old or a three-year-old is NOT a baby. Sure, he or she is not a reasoning school-age child, but it is time to learn how to control one’s behavior (whether it is bedtime, bath time or at the grocery store) and learn to express oneself in other ways.
As a general rule, we can expect and accept tantrums, but we do not need to tolerate or indulge them: “I understand that you are angry and upset, but I will not talk with you about this until you get under control and can use your words.” Believe it or not, this is appropriate for the two-year-old or the fourteen-year-old!
See Also: When Your Child Throws a Tantrum in Public