No.
No.
No.
Sometimes our kids hear “no” so often from us that when we say “yes” they are thrown for a loop. As parents, we want to establish rules and invariably when we do, we find ourselves having to just say no to requests our kids make. Sometimes I feel guilty when I have to say “no” all the time so what I have started doing is trying to say “yes” more often. I have found that the element of a surprise “yes” always brings a smile to Tyler’s face.
Just yesterday, I broke one of my own rules– no ice cream before dinner. But you see it was HOT. Plus, Tyler had early dismissal yesterday so after lunch when he asked me for some ice cream I surprised him by saying “yes”. You would have thought I was about to give him a million bucks instead of a cone of low-fat, low-sugar banana split ice cream!
But I didn’t stop there. Later when we went outside he wanted to make mud pies. Now, I’m a prissy kind of girl when it comes to mud, dirt, and all that jazz. I generally try to discourage Tyler from getting his hands dirty but yesterday I said “yes”. Why not, it’s only dirt. When he was younger, he had many sensitivities and would break out at the drop of a hat. He’s outgrown most of them but the problem is there’s no way of knowing what’s going to make him break out. So most of his short life I have steered him clear of dirt and grass. He still has to bathe in Dove or Lever 2000, anything else and his skin takes on a sandpaper texture. But yesterday I said “yes”, reminding him that immediately when he finished he would have to get directly in the tub.
The one thing I am learning is that as parents we have to be more flexible. We have to bend and sometimes break our own rules. As long as doing so does not endanger our kids. Tyler knows that some rules I won’t bend. He knows, for instance, that I won’t pull out the driveway until he’s in his booster seat and buckled in. He knows that if we are walking he does not cross the street unless an adult (or older cousin) walks with him–even when no cars are coming.
Bending or breaking rules sometimes shows our kids that we are flexible. Did I freak out when I saw my baby covered (literally) in mud head to toe? You bet I did. Will I say “yes” the next time he wants to play in mud? You bet I will.
See also:
How Do You Want to Be Remembered