I am amazed at how the Lord is continually watching over me. Why does it still amaze me? I’ve been a faithful LDS member for my whole life. I’ve seen His hand in my life over and over again. Yet, every time it happens, I am still amazed.
This past weekend, I had a little meltdown. I had a moment where I was feeling discouraged. I was feeling like I was lacking so much. I felt like I would never measure up. I was feeling this way about being a Mom. I was feeling like that no matter how hard I tried each day to be a “good” Mom, I failed every. single. day. I cried and cried to my husband, who sat there dumbfounded, not quite sure what to say. But, he is encouraging, as always. But, it is inside me that I feel this feeling of always coming up short. Why can’t I shake that?
Part of my reason for feeling inadequate is that my husband has a great mother. She passed away last year. She was the type of Mom that had a great dinner ready for her boys every night, took dinner to those in need, was the Relief Society President, and still had time to keep her house immaculate, and never yelled at her kids. I don’t know this for sure, but based on the legacy she left behind in her boys, I imagine this is how she was. I wish all the time that she was still alive to tell me I am wrong. That she wasn’t perfect. Because, let’s face it, no mother is. But, in my head, I feel like that’s who my husband was raised by. So, that’s the Mom I need to be to our kids. I feel like I’ll never measure up.
My husband isn’t judging me. I know that. But, the more important thing to remember is that the Lord isn’t judging me either. He doesn’t expect perfection in motherhood. He just expects that I do the best I can. I woke up the next morning after having my own personal cry fest, and went to church. Here is the point of my story: I heard exactly what I needed to hear.
I heard Elder Uchtdorf say, “….Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ understands…You are not alone….lift your heart to your Heavenly Father, and He will uphold and bless you.”
I heard Elder Hales say, “…don’t look at today’s trials as eternal. Heavenly Father does His work in the long term….let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God…”
I heard Elder Anderson say, “Two men can do anything, as long as one of them is the Lord”
This is why we go to church. This is why worshiping every Sunday is important. Because if we seek Him, the Lord will tell us exactly what we need to hear to soothe our soul. So, I’m grateful for the teacher that put together the lesson this Sunday, and I’m grateful to have a Heavenly Father that loves me. Even with my imperfections.
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