When we make deals with our kids, we have to make good on them. We have to hold up our end of the bargain no matter what. This morning I was reminded of that fact by my dear son. I have been having problems with Tyler off and on for the past few months at bedtime. He procrastinates as long as he can. His bedtime is 8 but I give him a 30-minute window before the threats start. I like to start working at 8:30 so that I have time to work and have some leisure time to read or just relax and unwind. I can’t do this if he’s playing around until 9 or 9:30. Now, I don’t necessarily believe in rewarding a child for doing something that he should do anyway, like going to bed at his designated time, but sometimes you have to bend your own rules just to get a little peace. So when he asked me last night if he could have snack money on Friday if he went to sleep on time, I answered “yes” without hesitation. I didn’t have any work to do but I was tired and welcomed the break.
Wouldn’t you know it; he went straight to sleep at 8. This morning he wakes up and it was as if he had to make up for the previous night. He was running through the house causing all kinds of unnecessary noise, whining, fussing, you name it. So I warned him that if he didn’t stop he was not going to get the snack money. He ignored me. So I said it again. He turns to me and reminds me that first of all, he went to bed “like I was supposed to” and second, “you promised”.
His words stung but he was right. Although he was right, as a parent I could have told him that he wasn’t getting it and that was that. What could he do about it? But, as upset as I was about his behavior this morning, the fact remained that I agreed to his terms and he had kept up his end of the bargain and now I had to hold up my end. Otherwise, what message would I send him? So, I gave him a dollar. The lesson that I learned is I have to always keep my promise. I also learned that if I plan to reward him for going to bed without any fuss, I’d better add “getting up and getting dressed without any fuss” as part of the deal!
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