Often in marriage, we debate whether or not we should keep secrets from our spouses (much advice says yes, sometimes, I say no), but what about keeping the secrets of your marriage from outsiders?
Each marriage has its own secrets, as do individuals in that marriage. They can be as simple as the fact that one spouse is embarrassed about singing in the shower or as traumatic as past sexual abuse. It could be the fact that the marriage suffered and recovered from an affair or that the couple became pregnant before marriage. Whatever the issue, a secret is one that one or both of the spouses declare as a secret.
Respecting these secrets is important in a marriage because keeping these secrets can be a trust issue. Still there are some times when a spouse wants to reveal a secret to others, if they need to vent or talk about it themselves or if they feel it will help the marriage or their spouse.
Be very careful when revealing a secret. Make sure that you and your spouse have a discussion about it first. You might not think it is a big deal, but it could be devastating to your spouse, and revealing that secret could cause conflict.
What if a secret accidentally slips out? The best thing to do in this situation is to make it known to the person who overheard that you didn’t intend to reveal that information and it should go no further. Be prepared if it does, anyway. You should also be upfront with your spouse. Apologize and tell him or her what happened. If there are likely consequences to this secret being revealed, then talk about how you will handle it together. People make mistakes, and this should be understood.
Have you ever accidentally revealed something that upset your spouse? How did you handle it?