Yes, table manners are important. Knowing which fork is for which and how to eat without one’s elbows on the table do matter—BUT, I also think we need to keep these things in perspective. In my opinion, learning table manners should be age appropriate and shouldn’t be such a focus as to take away the pleasure and enjoyment of a family meal.
I think that it can be surprising how much kids pick up just by parental modeling—without nagging and reminders, they do tend to assimilate all sorts of behaviors (good ones and not so good ones) just by what is done in the home. So, if mom and dad exhibit good and appropriate table manners, over time, children will most likely do the same. Expecting a two-year-old to eat with impeccable table manners and constantly nagging her to do so is probably expecting too much and ruining many a family dinner in the process.
Of course, we don’t want to take our children out to restaurants or have them heading off to college if they don’t know how to put their napkin in their lap or the proper way to butter bread, but does every family meal have to be about table manners? I say start with the basics (not talking with your mouth full, how to excuse yourself, what is and isn’t okay behavior at the table) and gradually move up to appropriate forks, elbows, how to pass the food, etc. Family meals should not be so laden with manner training that they become painful drudgery, nor should children be so regimented that they develop eating disorders or behavioral issues over table manners.
We have time and we can consider table manners another process that kids can learn in pieces, all the while modeling for them what we think is decent behavior. They’ll get it, and we can still enjoy family meals as well.
Also: Family Home Evening–Dinner Etiquette