When I got divorced it was summer, this helped a bit as Hailey was able to stay with her older cousins during the day while I worked. When school started though, it was tough. Like so many other single parents, money is tight and there often isn’t money to pay someone to babysit your child before and after school.
That first week was the scariest time since the divorce. Hailey had never been left home alone and now, she was alone before and after school.
I was really stressed, Hailey didn’t seem to mind at all, but I had to create some rules and guidelines so I could focus at work. One of the things we did was pack her backpack the night before, making sure she had her lunch money, homework, etc. Then we laid out an outfit for the morning. This was one of the first things we stopped doing, Hailey never wore what she laid out the night before.
I also made a list for the front door so she could double check to make sure she had everything. Our list looked something like this:
1. Where’s my house key?
2. Do I have my backpack?
3. Are all the lights and the TV turned off?
4. Did I call Mom to tell her I’m leaving?
I love you Hailey, have a wonderful day. Love, Mommy
The list changed from time to time, she took French horn lessons for a while so that went on the list. There was another list for when she got home from school and the first thing on there was to call me. Three days out of five she would still forget and my heart would just about explode waiting for the phone to ring. The after school list was more a reminder list, call your Mother, do your homework, don’t answer the door, those kinds of things.
Hailey was ten when she had to be responsible for getting herself off to school in the morning and coming home alone. Is that too young? What is the right age for leaving our children alone? In the morning she was alone for about 45 minutes, after school was closer to two hours. I know that each child is different and you can’t pick one age and have it apply to all children. Ten may have been too young but I really didn’t have a choice. We practiced and talked about possible scenarios and practiced some more.
Yes she lost her key, more than once, but she figured it out. I think that experience helped fine tune her problem solving skills. She still loses her house key, locks herself out of her car and can’t find her debit card. But, she figures it out.