It’s always hard to let go of your children. I think as a single parent of an only child, it’s even harder. Since the divorce Hailey has been the focus of my life. Everything I do or don’t do, I always consider her first. There have been many time I haven’t done things I wanted to do because I didn’t want to leave her home alone. My days have been planned around her schedule and her needs. One benefit of this is that I always know where she is and who she is with. Not so much anymore.
Now that Hailey is eighteen it’s gotten much harder, she actually has a life of her own. I don’t have to plan my social life around her because she is never home, between work and friends she is always busy doing something, which leaves me with a lot of time on my hands. What do I do with all my free time? I worry.
I know I need to let her grow and experience things on her own, make her own decisions, make some mistakes and learn how to take care of herself. I can’t help but worry, this is my little girl. I remember when she was a toddler and I couldn’t imagine ever not knowing where she was all the time. When she went to kindergarten I had a rude awakening, I couldn’t always be there.
I’m struggling with letting go. The house seems so empty without her music and mess. I miss her. So I check in, often. I know it drives her crazy but it makes this growing up thing a little easier on me. We talk on the phone five or six times a day. I need to touch base, just so I know that everything, at that moment, is ok in her world.
I’ve been reading lots about letting go and I hope I’ve done all the ground work necessary for Hailey to make good choices and have a wonderful, fulfilling life. I’ve tried to prepare her for adulthood, letting her fight her own battles, only stepping in when absolutely necessary. She seems to have a good head on her shoulders and is able to speak up for herself, most of the time.
I know it drives her crazy that I check in all the time, she thinks I don’t’ trust her. It’s not her I don’t trust, it’s other people, but of course, like all teenagers, she is invincible and thinks nothing bad will happen. That’s why it’s my job to worry, because if I don’t do the worrying it will never get done!