When I sit and talk with my other parent friends, I find that one thing we all seem to have in common is that we are so incredibly hard on ourselves as parents. Despite all the good intentions and our best efforts, it comes through that we are not usually very happy or content with the parents we have turned out to be. I know that I am definitely in this club and had much higher expectations for myself when I set out on this path to parenthood. I would like to propose that we find a way to lighten up on ourselves and learn to like the parent that we actually are.
After all, despite the fact that the news reports seem to be riddled with stories about horrid or dysfunctional parents, most of us really are doing the best we can and are doing a pretty decent job of things. Still, we are often NOT happy with the parent we are and see anyone and everyone as having a better handle on things, being more loving, patient, giving, etc. than we actually are. Without support and encouragement, we can just feel the eyes of judgment and think we’re doing a lousy job as a parent.
Self compassion and a little pat on the back might be in order for most of us. Instead of constantly beating ourselves up and wondering how we could have done something better—how about borrowing a little of that ego boosting from our young children—you know how a young child tends to brag and boast and talk about how wonderful he is and what a marvelous job he did jumping, drawing, singing, etc.? I think that as a parent, we could use a little of that self-affirmation ourselves—how about a look in the mirror and a “what a great job I did today?!” just to balance out some of that natural self-reproach?
See Also: Letting go of Guilt
Learning to Trust Our Instincts