When my youngest son was a toddler, I recall being at a parenting class that was covering various developmental stages for growing children. Watching how differently my son—the baby of three children very close together—was developing had me worried. I raised my hand and asked the facilitator if he would be developmentally “behind” if he never learned how to play alone? She looked perplexed as I went on to explain that he came into a family with a lot going on and when he wanted to play—he went to a PERSON, not a toy. In his toddler world, there was always someone to play with and I worried that he would develop independence. I can’t remember exactly what she said but she tried to address my fears and assure me that he would eventually reach all the steps—if only in a different order. Fifteen years later, I see that not only did my son learn to play alone; but he also tends to need the most “quiet” time of any of my children.
My son, as the baby, just took a different developmental path than my older two girls did. Still, with three children born in three consecutive years, they were (and continue to be) all quite close. Kids from larger families have different challenges than those who are “onlies” or are more spread out so as to allow for some natural privacy and alone time. Parents can help to provide opportunities for children from bustling families to have some time to learn to play alone, though.
Trying to create some balance between group play, and having time to sit in one’s own imaginary world is important. When siblings are close together, space can be at a premium and everything can feel like communal property. Then, children are sent off to school where they share their time and space with even more children. It’s good for parents to help their child carve out a little quiet time—even if it’s only at bath time or having a sign-up sheet for taking terms having the family room or a shared bedroom all to one’s self. Learning to play alone is a healthy part of developing into a well-adjusted person!
See Also: My Stuff is NOT Community Property and Me Time