As single parents, we don’t have another spouse or partner as a sounding board or someone to help us make “joint decisions” on a regular basis. One of the things we have to learn to do is to trust our own judgment in making personal and parenting decisions. It can be so common to second-guess ourselves or let our heads fill with doubt. But as the solo parent, we have to learn to have confidence in our ability to make even the biggest decisions.
Of course, this doesn’t mean we need to isolate and make all the decisions in private. Having a good support system and mentors to give us encouragement and prospective is incredibly important for the single parent. BUT, we are the parent and we need to be able to trust our own judgment in deciding what we thing is best for our children and right for our families. That can be tough if we’ve just been through the painful crisis of a separation and divorce! We may be feeling unsure of ourselves and our esteem is shaken. We may even be doubting our ability to choose good partners or make the right decisions for our own lives, let alone for our children.
In may take some time, but letting go of doubt and guilt are so important. Those can be two of the most incapacitating emotions for a single parent. We need to convey to our children that we are “in charge” and that they are safe and cared-for and making confident decisions and choices for our family is one of the main ways we can do that. If we go back on our word, change our minds, or express doubt and guilt over parenting choices–our kids will feel the insecurity and instability. They need to know they can count on us to take care of things–even in the toughest times.
See Also: Handling Daddy Questions and Expecting Too Much During Times of Crisis and Transition