My ex husband and I met in high school. I had dated a lot, but being so young, I wasn’t particularly concerned about whether or not they were marriage material; I was too young to get married anyway. I had been warned to make good dating choices, but I was young and inexperienced, so like most teenagers, I didn’t realize the importance of those decisions quite yet. About a year after graduation we decided to get married. Neither of us really knew what we wanted in a spouse, it just seemed like the right thing so we got married and hoped it would all work out. We both quickly learned just how hard marriage really was. Suddenly we realized that we didn’t see quite eye to eye on everything; in fact, the things we did see eye to eye on were far fewer than the ones we didn’t. We were constantly frustrated with each other and it didn’t take long for the marriage to crumble.
After our divorce I was a little afraid to date again. I had seen the ugly side of marriage; I didn’t want to go back to that, but I didn’t want to live the rest of my life alone either. I finally decided that it was worth it to get back out there, but I still wasn’t sure exactly what I was looking for in a husband. I hadn’t dated since high school, things were so different now, I didn’t even know where to begin, and the pressure to make the right decision was so much bigger this time around. I wasn’t just choosing for me anymore, I was choosing for a little boy, and that frightened me to no end.
I began dating and quickly realized just how picky I was going to have to be. There are plenty of crummy guys out there and unfortunately I seem to be a magnet for them. After dating a few of the not-so-great ones I started to wise up. It hit me that I was depending on these men to make me happy and I was as miserable as ever. I finally took a stand and decided to take a break from dating for a while. I had to take time to love myself before I could let anyone else love me. I focused on the things that made me happy, and in time I was able to let someone in again.
Take time to find out what is important for you. What are your deal breakers? What are you looking for this time around? Do the men you are dating fit into those standards? Don’t let yourself settle for less. You don’t want to end up in this situation again. You deserve happiness and so do your children. Without my divorce I never would have discovered what was truly important to me. I was far too young to understand the repercussions the first time. This time I know what I want and I’m not going to settle for anything less.