Having gone through two divorces (unfortunately), I learned many things, some expected and some that took me by surprise. I wanted to share some of the lessons of divorce that I experienced firsthand in this first part of my two part series. Remember, divorce is difficult but with determination, good friends, and the right attitude, you can take the bad things, turning them into valuable life lessons.
-Although most of us try to envision what divorce would be like, the truth is that it is never what you expect. True, you may have some inklings, as to emotion and challenges but until you are in the midst of a divorce, you cannot imagine the magnitude of change. Therefore, be flexible, realizing that you are going to go through some tough times but you will survive and thrive.
-Divorce takes longer to recover from than you might expect. I know friends who have gone through a divorce and within three to four months are back on the dating scene. I can tell you from personal experience that it takes a minimum of one year to get back on solid ground. I highly recommend you stand firm on this year, allowing this to be a time of healing and rediscovery. Once that first year after the divorce is passed, you will look back and be glad you gave yourself this gift of time.
-Divorce affects a personal not just mentally and emotionally, but also physically. With new and hectic schedules, eating less or wrong foods, working long hours, and just trying to survive, you will find that your body pays the price. Typically, the first three to six months after divorce result in weight loss, weight gain, headaches, stomachs, and overall change.
-You will also find that even with the best-laid plan, your life will likely not go according to schedule. Initially after a divorce, you organize yourself and put all these great plans into place. However, soon reality sets in, making you realize that your divorce is not working out as planned. This challenge is common so have peace of mind knowing that you can become organized and make good plans but you will probably have one unexpected change after another.
-Although in a perfect world, parental time and child support would go hand-in-hand, the truth is they are two separate issues. For example, some parents will be great at spending time with the children but lousy at paying child support and vice versa. If you are one of the fortunate ones who have an ex-wife or ex-husband who spends quality time with the kids and pays child support on time, be grateful.
Financial Woes and Single Parenting